koleen

there is what we call puppy love.. it must be my first love.. u know, high school days.. where we need to meet “love and belongingness” from Maslow.. it was wen i feel the tinggling sensations running through my veins when we were together. it is wen the smile of both lips and eyes really speak for the feeling inside.. it may last for months.. probably for years.. but in my case, it was one year. hehehe.. i could never forget the man.. he gave lessons of love.. that time, it wasnt so serious.. it was more of the “kilig” moments where u feel the chemistry. hehehe..

there is also what we call true love. this one was different. it was a lot of “lessons to learn” being with a guy whom u considered to be ur world for about 4 and a half years..it was when i learned unconditional love.. u know, wen u get to give almost everything in u.. hehehe.. sounds stupid, but i admit i became stupid of giving all efforts to fight for the love which was really never mine..it was the time when i treasure little joys and stayed happy in all ups and downs.. it ws the love i  imagined that i cant live without. first strike, ouchhh.. 2nd strike, too much of an ouchh.. hehehe.. 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and so on, i learned how to fight with all the ouches the love gave me.. u know, like in health.. immunity thing.. or lets say bacterial resistance.. wen bacteria learn how to fight a certain antibiotic coz it keeps hitting them in ways not too strong.. hai.. it was killing me softly but thanks god i survuved with the love lost.. and loved one lost.. plus plus plus dreams and hopes planned lost. it was more of a learning experience for me.. that everything changes in time.. and that i dont keep a mindset.. just i need to try the best of everything to make them be on their right places at the right time. i have let go.. i have moved on.. and the happy life i got now, he was a part of it. thanks for the lessons and thanks for making me free.. (no hurt feelings anymore.. and no hard feelings too)
 

there are also which we call the piggybacks.. hehehe.. (credit to kitine who helped me discover the term) these are the guys who come along and spices up ur heart wen it gets too bored..the thrills,the twists and the turns.. hehe.. sometimes it gave us confusions of which is which, who is who.. it makes us stupid for a while.. but it will always end up bringing back the love to the mainline. hehehe.. in my case, i have been in this dilema a lot of times.. maybe not because of my soft heart.. it must be because i am very easy to love. hehehe.. no standards know, as long as i get along with that person, and as long as im happy, then i go (but of course with all the decision makings). but for me, i learned that piggybacks will always be only until piggybacks.. coz what the heart desires will always be the love.. and not the likes or shall we say–infatuations..
 

and the “i dont know how to describe” love.. he is the person who loves u in all aspect.. from ur being kid, to ur being bad and to more of ur being good and good. hhehehhe. is the one who loves u unconditionally. the one who accepts and understand ur mistakes. the bestfriend u have, who does everything just for ur happiness.. he is the romeo of juliet.. the edward of belle.. u get what i mean.. the love which u only find in fairy tales, in which all girls have dreamed of. he who misses u every minute, who calls u just to check if ur alright.. the one who never sleeps until he sees u.. the one who keeps telling u ur beautiful.. the one who doesnt only love u, but in any means, deadly likes u.. and all the love only what ifs can say.. and im proud to say, in one of a million i got one.. he must be the love i kept praying for.. and the love i would never asked for anyne else. just this love, and my whole world becomes my own world… with him..
 

and no matter what kind of love i had, i thank u.. for i wouldnt have this love i have now, without u..from my puppy love-true love-piggybacks thanks a lot.. hehehe.. for giving me all the lessons of love.. by this time i am ready with this love–the i dont know how to describe love.. hope u can describe it for me. hehehe..

–mwwaahhh–

today, by coincidence, i dropped by my old school. it was where i spent my nine years with (not to mention where we had to take care of a plant unti it becomes a tree for nine years.. the nine year greening program.. ;p). THE MARIE ERNESTINE SCHOOL. i was welcomed by a warm smile from guard Loloy.. i missed his voice shouting while im on the grounds playing “koleen, naa na imong daddy” (my dad used to fetch me when i was in elementary) i enterd the clinic and the office. saw nurse daphne. i bet she has been serving my fellow ernestinians for around 20 years. she was on the phone when i enterd the office, and still managed to give me a wave with her super surprised face.. and my teacher in grade 4, t. Leoni. she was there too. she was too amazed, too happy, too excited to hear my stories. i couldnt forget her first question “are u married?” whaaaattt???? what a question.. hehehe… i was happy wen i said “til we meet again” my preschool and elementary life.. feels so good to remember those times…

today, i also went to CIC.. colegio de la inmaculada concepcion.. i remembered the time wen i was walking along the isle towards the entrance gate, that time, i wasnt a kid anymore, so i wasnt running and playin around. hehehe..Saw Mdm. Bacalso. and to my surprise she gave me “beso2x”.. saw mdm Gallor too.. telling me stories about her child.. i can never forget these mentors. they were the ones who taught me lots of things in life. values on family, money. love, friendship.. i owe them a lot. feels so good to  be back in my higschool years, where i have to wear that muti colored checkered uniform. wahihihi
today, i talked with bebong. talked with jantoy. with lady. with mark. few stories from bahba, honey, aileen,carlene.. these are some of my few special and close friends in college. i talked with bebong more. maybe because time was too enough for us this time. we know we always give updates, but this time, it was more of a serious talk. serious. it sounds so unusual for me. but really, i was serious. i mentioned to a few close friend before that i never wasnt really very sure where am i going.. u know, the life thing.. hehehe.. i knew myself that i still dont have enough plans for myself.. or let me just say, i really dont have any plans at all for my life. because i was in a state of confusion.. and this “bebong” was so aware of my full story why i wasnt so sure of my future. yes, today, i told him i finally have my decision. and im on the way of fulfilling my plans.. serious right? but i was too proud of this man because he respects whatever my mood is.. missing this man (because he is now in dumaguete with his girlfriend..) and again, i remembered college days.. the days where i dont have to think of anyhting else but study, love and money. hehehe.. and these few friends knew my story.. so i am happy to get in touch with them.. as always.. but this time, in more serious way..

today, i feel young again. and i wanna feel young over and over again.. but oooopppssss, im happy being what am i now.. getting older, growing up.. wiser, better.. and sometimes a little crazier (it spices up my life).. and facing tomorrow is a bit scary.. but the memories and the experiences gain are enough of a back up

spent too much time to make this poem..

Hidden thoughts, words and feelings..

Everything was left unsaid not knowing their meanings..

Reminiscing the “thing” we had made me confused

My heart and my mind was totally bruised..

I never knew what you felt for me

Each and everything i do, why cant you see?

Doesnt matter whether big or small

Everyday, you do things to make me fall

Love, thats what i learned to feel

Endless messages you sent made it so real

OOppss, i know theres “something” between us exists

Not to mention, being “just friends” we always insist

Silence… thats all we have.. and always will have

Everytime we talk bout this stupid love

Guess there wasnt enough love from you

Only me who felt it was so true

Change.. this is what im hoping for

I can move on, with an open or a close door

Only time will tell the true meaning of this, wishing this heart of mine be at ease..

moving on

hi.

it is very unusual for me to post “blogs” may it be in friendster or some other sites. but a lot of things triggered me to do so.

issues.. issues that are running after me, why?? im not a celebrity. but a few people are treating me as such. i mean, i know one, but friends of friends, we can never stop them, ayt well, thanks for that. thanks for spending much time for me. honestly, ive never been so thankful that a few people have been so cooncerned about my life. without any doubts, i salute you for that. double thumbs up.
but hey, theres one thing i want everybody to know. my world doesnt revolve around my workplace alone. well, it is part of my world, coz its my workplace yeah.. and ive met few real people there as well. but for the information of everybody, i am happy to be here rather than in the world where a few people wished me to stay. i will say it clearly, i am happy with the life i have outside ccmc. {but doesnt mean im not happy in ccmc. i m happy with my job, and few real friends there, ok..}

i have an intact, loving and supportive family. i have bunch of friends in different groups who are true and who are real. not to mention my YFC friends. friends i have in gradeschool and highschool. POTO pips. MAYA friends, AO7 (i miss u guys), FRETS, inhausers, college friends,OOHUP, peyton sawyer, and a lot lot more. i got one caring and super dooper loving and supportive boyfriend as well. and i bond with these people i mentioned above as much as i can. and i never lack time with my family.

these people made me the best woman i am now. so, i salute them and i give them all thumbs up i can give.

so why to bother on issues running after and around me.. i am feeling secure in the hands of my family. in the company of my real friends. and in the arms of people who love and care about me.

well, thanks for the issues, mate! i bet none of them seems to turn out so true, right?  make some more.. and promise me by this time, it must be true.. ;p

i have my own life to build, own life to live. so why dont you mind and build yours? and live yours? who knows, u can have an intact family again. u can have lots of friends (not only in the world u revolve in) and by this time, maybe a boyfriend whos true; u got one before, too sad, u mismanaged
see yah around! and i wont bother if u exist or none at all..

–harsh mode–

*but im too good, bet eveybody knows that. hehehe ;P

haaaayyy… (*sigh)

i dont know how to start, what to say first and how to say the things i wanted to express. i am speaking for myself. though, a lot wanted to speak out, but i hope what i will be saying here would make sense and would make each person concerned understand (just understand, im not saying u take my side..just understand) what i really wanted to point out.

i love my work. it makes me feel happy to serve the less priviledge, i feel satisfied when they discharge from the hospital saying "thank you kaayo ninyo mam" i feel contented when they go home fair. i love seeing them improve from their condition. for me, what matters most is feeling fulfilled everytime my patients are satisfied with the care and attention i gave to them. this would mean, i am doing my best in my work for the satisfaction of my patients.

evertime my patients say "thank you" its already very fulfilling to me. and im very happy when these people i rendered care say "thank you". its two simple words, but it means a lot, counts a lot and is more than enough for me..

but something keeps on bothering my mind. why are there people who never appreciate? who never praise you for the good things you’ve done? why are there people who are happy to see you commit mistake? or nevertheless, feel uncontented unless they found a mistake in you? why are there people who keeps on minding and watching you every action you make (like pbb camera)? u know whats sad?? they arent the less priviledge patients, they arent the clients. they are the people who are well off and well educated. they are the people who are graduates of bachelor’s degree, people who are having their masters degree.. people who speaks too well, too formal, too elite.they are US. Us as in us, who works "for the welfare of the patients"

does this mean, the less priviledged are better than us?

saying thank you is better than finding faults. we arent crabs, so we never have mentality as crabs.. we are educated, so lets act like one.

its a human need to be appreciated, if its in our blood to find faults, and if we are happy to see that someone commits mistakes, then fine. just learn to appreciate even the smallest things someone has done. coz i dont believe that each one keeps on doing mistake, isnt it? if patients know how to say thak you, then i bet, anybody else could say as well..

lets not be fault finders, lets not make it a trade mark of our institution.. let us learn to tap each others shoulder and say, "you did great, i appreciate it. do more good and keep going on"

(i hope you dont take this as something negative. take this as a realization, that everyone needs to be appreciated. and if there are faults, let it be, its normal to commit mistakes. and i believe each one is trying his best to do good. lets not be in a hospital where people are fault finders and are acting like crabs.. lets show to the world that we are a world class hospital, not just to the patients we are caring for, but to all personnel we encounter everyday.)

thank you.